he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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