I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
