buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
