So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
