Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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