Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
