Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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