Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
