I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
