we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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