good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
