I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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