I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
