this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
