so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
