shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
