you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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