So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
