Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
