I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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