I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
