Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
