Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
