birth control should be required to get into college
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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