guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
