you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
