Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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