??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You ruined the universe
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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