Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
