You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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