I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
