I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize