We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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