I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
