I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
