Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
