STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize