Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
