hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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