you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
