I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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