i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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