dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
