You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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