Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
