im having a threesome with these popsicles
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
