how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
