I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize