No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
