I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
