I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
