So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
