Don't you send me to vm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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