Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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