If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
