Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
