after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
