just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
