I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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