Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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