i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize