I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
