He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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