Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
