my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
