Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
