the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
