When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
And then he peed in my hair
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