yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
