batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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