Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
