I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
